...
What do you mean that's what all you guys have been doing since the beginning?
All right, well, it's a good thing I caught on, because there's a lot going on this year, and mostly it's not worth making noise about: Just our Consul scouts retreating from alien worlds, a Psilon colony ship retreating from Arietis, and our Consuls bombing Esper into the ground. Usual run of the mill. I redistribute our forces, decide we can risk attacking Kailis with just the fleet we've got already, get some transport moving off to Sol, and that's it!
2447: Guess what! I was right about Kailis!
It's still firing nuclear missiles ... and Nukems and Consuls fly circles around nuclear missiles! We take the planet's orbit and don't lose anything! Then some Alkari Pelicans decide to attack my Consuls at Sol! Aren't aliens cute when they think they can win? They do blow up two of my Consuls. I kill all 49 Pelicans. We also bomb Kailis, but it's slow going, so we cut it out and send just about everything to Mentar instead.
2448: Okay! Here goes the battle of Mentar! And ... apparently I didn't send as many Nukems as I thought. This fleet of ours is lovely, but there's no way it's enough. It's going to have to retreat before the battle even starts. What's going on?
Ah. Apparently, what I did was to send my other bombers to Kailis. Um ... oops? Well, in that case, I ... (Doorbell Chime) AIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! WHAT DID I TELL YOU!? DIE, DIE, DIE, DIE, D... Oh. It's not a combat warning; it's the holophone. Yes? Who's there? Oh, hi, Lasitus.
What? Strain on both our peoples? No, no ... I haven't noticed any special strain. Think it's just you? You know, you look tired. Are you getting enough rest? Try getting more sleep, okay? Byyyyyye!
Okay, so I ... (Doorbell Chime) Grrrr. How do you change the ring tone to "Permanent Silence"? Well? What is it, Psilon Emperor Whose Name I Don't Even Know Since We've Never Talked In Any Meaningful Fashion? You like dead Alkari, like the ones my bombers are making at Kailis? Yeah, I'll bet. Especially since they were supposed to be dead Psilons and I gave the orders wrong! Now, go away.
All right, this time, I rearrange the fleet correctly. This year, however, for any number of reasons, correctly just means everyone goes to Kailis! One of those reasons is that I have a spy in Psilon territory, and they now have Merculite missiles. I'm still going to take Mentar, but I'm going to want a death fleet to do it.
2449: We make another Psilon fleet run away from Incedius, and... (Someone dances into the imperial command room, singing, lights flashing brightly) .... WHAT NOW?!?! Oh, it's you, Refrens. Hi. Why all the singing and dancing and carrying on?
Hey, you've figured out how to cut our factory waste by a third? Say, that is pretty cool! Why don't you go ahead and work on Improved Industrial Tech 4 to help our new colonies-to-be stand up? Okay? Great! Not that there were any other new options. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Stopping the stupid aliens from calling me on the holophone with congratulations and peace offers all the time.
There we go; that ought to do it for a little while - permanently in the case of the Alkari, of course, but even the surviving races don't seem to like it when we commit genocide. Anyway, now our forces converge on Mentar.
2450: First things first: Mentar still hasn't rebuilt its lost bases, and inexplicably fires on our Surgeons first, so....
No losses. Mentar's orbit is ours. We also kill a Psilon fleet at Sol, at the cost of an old Surgeon or two, and after seeing to it that Kailis doesn't go to waste...
...we ensure that the Psilons won't be bugging us again ... at least until we build colonies closer to their three remaining worlds! Oh, yeah, and there's an election. Everyone but me votes for Lasitus, but I control half the votes myself. Naturally, I vote for our Ruling Bionic Oligarchy of 12, and I'm sure any of you would do the same. You know what, though? These elections are starting to get annoying too. Let's not have any more, okay?
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Next: Expansion? What, Again?
