While the AIs wondered how to kill him precisely,
The Grinch calmly told them, "You've chosen unwisely."
Well, an earthquake hit Rana the very next year
(The die rolls themselves voted Bullux, I fear!)
But did that stop the Grinch? No! Why, ECM3
Fell to an all-fields spy hit the next year, you see!
Johann might have been miffed, but he soon would admit
That some things are worse than a little spy hit!
U-R Phantos got bombed down to one population!
"What luck," cried the Grinch. "It will join Darlok Nation
Still faster than I had already intended!"
And it did; two years later, Johann's rule there ended -
Just as an all-fields Psilon spy (man alive!)
Came away like a rose with brand-new BC5!
The Grinch stole Inferno and fine Neutron Blasters,
Stole Range 8 & 9 from slaves of the "High Master's,"
Stole Pulsar and Zortium; then from the Chief Berater
Of Everything Grinchy, stole Warp Dissipator!
The "High Master" growled, but in truth barely rated.
The news spoke when Herculis went radiated
(A blow to the Brains) but when Bullux spoke out
No one listened at all; the Grinch won in a rout
Whenever the news asked whose ratings would win -
Especially once Advanced Scanners came in!
Though his researchers grabbed 'em (instead of his spies)
He still felt the investment had been rather wise,
For from that day, the Grinch, and the old Grinch alone
Could see the whole galaxy from his snowy throne!
So what did he do next? Why, what was left to do...
But to steal Impulse Drives, and Ion Rifle too?
He stole Stingers and means of enriching the soil
Plus terra plus forty and the means to foil
Such death spores as might drop: The same antidote
He himself hadn't researched much since the first vote!
He pilfered 'Coid sub-light drives just for some fun
While his research teams had the AIs on the run.
They'd just worked out BC7, research well spent
(And finished IIT8 by accident)
And picked out new research goals never to chase
(Except learning Comm techniques for Hyperspace).
He stole Ion Drives and class 6 IIT
And Megabolts - guns almost too cool for me!
Then Hard Beam and Fusion Beam, all in the clear
A full two decades ere the jubilee year!
And the year after that, the Grinch saw, with a laugh:
"I'm up to number one on every single graph!
He stole Hard Beam, Repulsor Beam, X-Planetary!
Class-V Deflectors! (Was that necessary?)
With a 'coid steal arriving in only one field,
He snapped up a Personal Absorption Shield.
When he stole Controlled Radiated from a B'ar,
The Grinch finally could claim Rich Paranar -
But not before he also pilfered AER
And ECM 4 (not his best steal by far)
But as Paranar at last got a 'lok colony,
Still a dozen years before the jubilee,
The best luck - the best news - the Grinch ever heard
Came through GNN - and this was the word:
A derelict ship from the age of Orion
Was found by the ursines, and they weren't cryin'!
The grand New Republic got weapons and shields
Just when they'd lost their last leads in all their last fields!
And of course to the Grinch, this had special appeal:
It meant there was more and more tech left to steal!
A-M Bomb! Phasor and Pulse Phasor! Nice!
Class Seven Shields and a Cloaking Device!
Terra Plus Fifty (more AI self-teching)
Zyro Shield! Plasma rifle for planet wrecking!
Somewhere in there, the Grinch researched Scat Fives
(An accident really, too late to save lives)
But all of the rest were the things that he stole!
He stole them and stole them and stole! Stole! Stole! STOLE!
He stole Pulson Missiles! He stole Fusion Rifles!
He stole Ion Streamers while calling them trifles!
And Class 6 Deflectors! Omega-V Bombs!
A Particle Beam and an old book of psalms!
(Though that book wouldn't be of much use in a war,
The Grinch might say Particle Beam's equally poor!)
But then something strange happened! Strange, but quite real!
The AIs had run out of techs he could steal!
In the next couple years, Exoskeleton'd fall;
He'd steal that from the lizards, but then that was all!
His scientists picked up Class 6 IRC,
(One tech that no AI race ever would see!)
And started on Battle Computer Mark Ten
But Twenty-Five Hundred was coming, and THEN...
THE JUBILEE HOLIDAY! Glad girls and boys!
Jolly old aliens giving out toys!
Everyone singing, making happy noise!
Oh, that Noise! Oh, that terrible Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
But a funny thing happened on that fateful year.
Somehow, all the celebrants didn't appear!
They had all kinds of techs - yes, stolen by the Grinch,
But although he could get what he managed to pinch,
The AIs lost nothing except for their creed
That their side ought to have a comparative lead.
They even had one tech the old Grinch did not:
Some A-M Torpedoes they'd only just got
That (five times unlucky) he couldn't quite snag
For a topper to his overflowing tech bag!
They had toys, food and goodies ... and yet all the same
The year came and went, and no holiday came!
They held no high council! No gifts did they bring!
They didn't play games - they didn't even sing!
They didn't talk of peace and love anymore!
They made noise - oh, the noise! But noise only of WAR!
The Grinch wasn't like them, and that made them sore!
They could think of nothing but war! War! War! WAR!
The Grinch calmly told them, "You've chosen unwisely."
Well, an earthquake hit Rana the very next year
(The die rolls themselves voted Bullux, I fear!)
But did that stop the Grinch? No! Why, ECM3
Fell to an all-fields spy hit the next year, you see!
Johann might have been miffed, but he soon would admit
That some things are worse than a little spy hit!
U-R Phantos got bombed down to one population!
"What luck," cried the Grinch. "It will join Darlok Nation
Still faster than I had already intended!"
And it did; two years later, Johann's rule there ended -
Just as an all-fields Psilon spy (man alive!)
Came away like a rose with brand-new BC5!
The Grinch stole Inferno and fine Neutron Blasters,
Stole Range 8 & 9 from slaves of the "High Master's,"
Stole Pulsar and Zortium; then from the Chief Berater
Of Everything Grinchy, stole Warp Dissipator!
The "High Master" growled, but in truth barely rated.
The news spoke when Herculis went radiated
(A blow to the Brains) but when Bullux spoke out
No one listened at all; the Grinch won in a rout
Whenever the news asked whose ratings would win -
Especially once Advanced Scanners came in!
Though his researchers grabbed 'em (instead of his spies)
He still felt the investment had been rather wise,
For from that day, the Grinch, and the old Grinch alone
Could see the whole galaxy from his snowy throne!
So what did he do next? Why, what was left to do...
But to steal Impulse Drives, and Ion Rifle too?
He stole Stingers and means of enriching the soil
Plus terra plus forty and the means to foil
Such death spores as might drop: The same antidote
He himself hadn't researched much since the first vote!
He pilfered 'Coid sub-light drives just for some fun
While his research teams had the AIs on the run.
They'd just worked out BC7, research well spent
(And finished IIT8 by accident)
And picked out new research goals never to chase
(Except learning Comm techniques for Hyperspace).
He stole Ion Drives and class 6 IIT
And Megabolts - guns almost too cool for me!
Then Hard Beam and Fusion Beam, all in the clear
A full two decades ere the jubilee year!
And the year after that, the Grinch saw, with a laugh:
"I'm up to number one on every single graph!
He stole Hard Beam, Repulsor Beam, X-Planetary!
Class-V Deflectors! (Was that necessary?)
With a 'coid steal arriving in only one field,
He snapped up a Personal Absorption Shield.
When he stole Controlled Radiated from a B'ar,
The Grinch finally could claim Rich Paranar -
But not before he also pilfered AER
And ECM 4 (not his best steal by far)
But as Paranar at last got a 'lok colony,
Still a dozen years before the jubilee,
The best luck - the best news - the Grinch ever heard
Came through GNN - and this was the word:
A derelict ship from the age of Orion
Was found by the ursines, and they weren't cryin'!
The grand New Republic got weapons and shields
Just when they'd lost their last leads in all their last fields!
And of course to the Grinch, this had special appeal:
It meant there was more and more tech left to steal!
A-M Bomb! Phasor and Pulse Phasor! Nice!
Class Seven Shields and a Cloaking Device!
Terra Plus Fifty (more AI self-teching)
Zyro Shield! Plasma rifle for planet wrecking!
Somewhere in there, the Grinch researched Scat Fives
(An accident really, too late to save lives)
But all of the rest were the things that he stole!
He stole them and stole them and stole! Stole! Stole! STOLE!
He stole Pulson Missiles! He stole Fusion Rifles!
He stole Ion Streamers while calling them trifles!
And Class 6 Deflectors! Omega-V Bombs!
A Particle Beam and an old book of psalms!
(Though that book wouldn't be of much use in a war,
The Grinch might say Particle Beam's equally poor!)
But then something strange happened! Strange, but quite real!
The AIs had run out of techs he could steal!
In the next couple years, Exoskeleton'd fall;
He'd steal that from the lizards, but then that was all!
His scientists picked up Class 6 IRC,
(One tech that no AI race ever would see!)
And started on Battle Computer Mark Ten
But Twenty-Five Hundred was coming, and THEN...
THE JUBILEE HOLIDAY! Glad girls and boys!
Jolly old aliens giving out toys!
Everyone singing, making happy noise!
Oh, that Noise! Oh, that terrible Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
But a funny thing happened on that fateful year.
Somehow, all the celebrants didn't appear!
They had all kinds of techs - yes, stolen by the Grinch,
But although he could get what he managed to pinch,
The AIs lost nothing except for their creed
That their side ought to have a comparative lead.
They even had one tech the old Grinch did not:
Some A-M Torpedoes they'd only just got
That (five times unlucky) he couldn't quite snag
For a topper to his overflowing tech bag!
They had toys, food and goodies ... and yet all the same
The year came and went, and no holiday came!
They held no high council! No gifts did they bring!
They didn't play games - they didn't even sing!
They didn't talk of peace and love anymore!
They made noise - oh, the noise! But noise only of WAR!
The Grinch wasn't like them, and that made them sore!
They could think of nothing but war! War! War! WAR!
