Eerily glowing hilltop overlooking an eerily glowing plain with eerily glowing mist rising everywhere, NIGHT. DARK LORD DAR WIN OF THE SITH stands at the hilltop, looking down at a nearby city, its buildings also glowing eerily. Beside him stands a GROVELLING ADVISOR in a massive radiation suit which allows him virtually no freedom of motion but looks really cool, and is naturally available as an Action Figure Accessory from KirkasArts for just $19.84.
WIN: So. This is the site of last year's accident.
GROVELLING ADVISOR: Yes, your dark lordship. As you can see, we've cleaned it up good as new. No radioactive waste at all to speak of anymore, no sir!
WIN: Apart from the fact that the entire planet is now a radiated husk of its former self, of course.
GROVELING ADVISOR: But we've terraformed it just as much as was Darlokly possible too, your dark lordship! See? See those habitation modules and...
WIN: Enough! Aquilae was once a vibrant world, and your negligence has turned it into this!
GROVELING ADVISOR: No! Please! There was nothing we...
WIN: Ha! Just kidding! It's not your fault; it's just the pRNG again. Carry on.
GROVELING ADVISOR: (Passes out from shock and relief.)
WIN: (Activates his wrist-mounted portable holo-transmitter, causing DAR REFSITH to appear as a shimmering hologram) You were correct. No sign of rebel sabotage ... this time.
REFSITH: I didn't realize your biomechanical life support system provided radiation shielding.
WIN: You keep underestimating the Dark Side.
REFSITH: Oh, right. I thought I should let you know about that Silicoid fleet bound for Obaca. Five cruisers and a couple of colships. We should have almost a dozen bases up behind the planetary shield by the time they arrive though, so....
WIN: Very well, since we already know those things only carry beams. But in the future, I should like to see even greater overkill. There is an Alkari fleet on its way here, and though we'll have plenty of bases in place, I think it's time to unveil our accidentally-constructed wonder!
REFSITH: (gasps!) You mean...
SCENE 2424
Deep space, in orbit above the once-arid radiated world Aquilae II. A rebel assault fleet materializes out of hyperspace, on final approach: 14 SPARROWHAWK FIGHTERS, 3 FALCON DESTROYERS, and three Alkari Cruisers: A single COLONY SHIP, the WAR EAGLE, and the WAR HAWK. With 14 missile bases on the surface, the planet can take care of itself anyway, but it's not alone: Across the horizon swoop its defenders: Ninety SINE FIGHTERS (SIngle Nuclear Engine) and the grand flagship of the Orion Sector fleet:
An IMPERIAL STAR ANNOYER!
SCENE 2437
Imperial War Room for the Orion Sector. The USUAL SUSPECTS are VISIBLE.
REFSITH: I came as soon as I could. Can the reports be true? Thirty-seven of them were due to arrive at Firma this year - together with a Shark cruiser and a couple more of their Silicoid colships!
WIN: Our scanners don't lie. Those Mako-lamari cruisers carry seven death spore pods apiece - and back them up with heavy ion cannons.
REFSITH: (Shudders) I hate to see the wreck they left behind them. What did we have up there, ten missile bases? With just Hyper-Vs?
WIN: That ... and a part of our star fleet. Thirteen TWINE Fighters (TWIn Nuclear Engines) couldn't accomplish much...
REFSITH: Basically, they could just die.
WIN: ...but then the Star Annoyer was there too. AND the new Star Harasser!
REFSITH: ... You can't mean....
WIN: Not a single spore fell. We lost our fighters, yes, but not the capital ships. The rebel fleet was destroyed.
SCENE 2440
Set of "Dar Lene and Dar Cy in the Morning" The show's HOSTS are sitting in comfy-looking arm chairs but are actually undergoing agonizing contortions so as to look good for the holocamera. Their gigantic glow-in-the-dark smiles are actually pinned into the lining of their cowls. Dar Lene is a trim and attractive young Darlok female; Dar Cy is a handsome and genteel young Darlok male. It is however impossible for humans to tell them from aging, frumpy Darloks of either gender just by looking at their cloaks.
LENE: Good morning, everybody! We've got a special guest for our program today ... but first, here's exclusive footage, from one of our leading citizens: Dar Kandstormynight!
CY: That's right - here's his footage of our own intrepid Dar T'Gun at the Mrrshan homeworld, lifting their plans for Fusion Drives, while half a galaxy away, Dar Ling is sneaking away from the lizard world of Yarrow ... with the designs for their massive Battle Suits!
LENE: Go spy-babies! Now to introduce our special guest: To know him is to fear him, to serve him is to maybe go on living - please welcome our very own Dark Lord Dar Win of the Sith!!!
(Thundering applause fills the studio, politely joined by DAR LENE and DAR CY as the sound of heavy artificially-assisted breathing announces the arrival of THEIR GUEST.)
WIN: Thank you. It is a pleasure to see the efficiency with which our agents are operating. If not for the fusion rifles lately provided to the rebels by the Orion Force, we would be near enough to ground combat parity to risk an invasion.
LENE: What about those Fusion Drives, your dark lordship? And doesn't Dar T'Gun look cute in that little black cloak of his?
WIN: Well, we've stolen and reverse-engineered over a dozen techs since the turn of the century, including an inertial stabilizer and - lately - dotomite crystals for 7-parsec range, so these drives are basically going to let our bombers play Old Harry with every planet in the galaxy. That is, if the Orion Force ever gets around to giving those idiotic rebels some bombs for us to steal. Also, if you ask me another fashion question, I may feel compelled to liven up your broadcast with a live demonstration of the Dark Side's power over the tracheal region.
CY: Ladies and gentlemen, our Dark Lord of the Sith!!!
(Much more thundering applause even than before)
SCENE 2444
Deep Sssla orbit. 232 TWINE Bombers, in company with the STAR ANNOYER and STAR HARASSER, scan the planet's two dozen missile bases, while 38 HYDRA CRUISERS and 7 DRAGON BATTLESHIPS await them.
IMPERIAL OFFICER: (OVER) This is Captain Milk of the Imperial Star Harasser. Those ships are heavily armed, and not that poorly designed. This is going to be a rough one.
DIFFERENT IMPERIAL OFFICER: (OVER) Oh, no it's not, Captain Milk. This is Captain Cookies of the Star Annoyer! Check out those stars in the background! They're blue as the seas of Kronos! And check out your planetary scan! That thing's got its shields intact! We must be in a pocket of normal space in here!
MILK: Blast it; I was sure the Sssla system was in the nebula! All right; all ships retreat immediately! We can't bust those planetary shields with nukes! I repeat....
SCENE 2461
Imperial War Room for the Orion Sector. The USUAL SUSPECTS are present, and the galactic map is lit up in holodisplay.
REFSITH: No joke. Personal Absorption Shield from an Alkari base, and we just picked up Controlled Radiated out at Tyr.
WIN: (Suspiciously) I thought Silicoids couldn't use Controlled Environment Tech.
REFSITH: It's Final War. They take everything anyway. Besides, it helps them with miniaturization and productivity.
WIN: Very well. We shan't need it right away, but that's still excellent news. Now no star in the galaxy but Orion and the asteroids will be closed to me. And more importantly ... we finished reverse-engineering Fusion Rifles four years ago, and Combat Exoskeletons two years later. They still have no new armor technology. With these absorption shields, we're a match for the rebels on the ground ... finally!
WIN: Over a hundred million Darloks are setting out as we speak. Still more will set out shortly, from Firma, Obaca, and Aquilae. Kronos still has no missile bases, and no planetary shield. It has no starfleet in orbit, and our ships are on their way to ensure it stays that way. What it does have is nearly a hundred factories! That planet is ours, and it now will return to the fold. The time has come, RefSith!
2463
Imperial Holochamber, Night. Don't forget that children of all ages can enjoy their very own KirkasArts Imperial Holochamber Play Set with light-up display screen for just $159.99! DARK LORD DAR WIN OF THE SITH is VISIBLE (action figure not included) - observing the battle at Kronos.
WIN: Colonel Uvtrooth, report!
(The holodisplay, shimmers, and COLONEL CONFUSION is now VISIBLE in the foreground of the holo-image)
CONFUSION: Colonel Confusion reporting, your dark lordship. I fear Colonel Uvtruth is no longer with us. The Silicoids killed us at a preposterous rate under the circumstances - worse than four to three - and he was among the casualties.
WIN: And when did you take command?
CONFUSION: At 08:17 hours, your dark lordship.
WIN: I observed the battle. It took a decided turn for the better when new tactics began to be implemented at about that time.
CONFUSION: I only did my best to promote chaos among the ranks of the enemy, your dark lordship. In the end, we came on so fast, they weren't able to destroy all their records. We now have plans for soil enrichment and a warp dissipator from their factory-labs.
WIN: Indeed. You have done well ... General Confusion.
CONFUSION: Many thanks, your dark lordship! You must be in a terrific mood!
WIN: After your victory over the vile Silicoids? But it's true, there is more. Not long ago, Dar T'Gun was in Silicoid space too - on the planet Arietis - and he found plans that will cut our industrial waste to 40% of Galactic Standard. And just prior to that, Dar Tegnan had left Phantos ... with the lizards' plans for an anti-matter bomb. We can fit one on a TFE fighter-class Bomber hull already.
CONFUSION: Um, Tiffy?
WIN: (Complacently) The new TFE Bomber. Twin. Fusion. Engine. Carrying Anti-Matter Bombs, Stabilizers, and powerful computers. And we've achieved ground combat parity, as you demonstrated for me. The rebellion is over, General; it just doesn't know it yet. The war is won.
SCENE 2466
New Yard City on the surface of Imra. Toxic gasses roil through the air beyond the edge of the city's glowing energy shield, while pulsating energy crystals scattered across the plain testify to the world's mineral ultra-wealth. GENERAL IZAYSHUN is reporting to a hologram of DARK LORD DAR WIN OF THE SITH.
IZAYSHUN: I heard the reports of Major Inhistory's victory at Lyae two years ago. It's always good to have great officers in the army, even if they're just cleaning up little baby Sili colonies in our own midst, but it's better to do well yourself than get by on the skills of others. Of course the Tiffy Bombers and Star Hurter and Star Harmer did their work, but it's always good to report a big victory on the ground too.
WIN: Will you please stop speaking in ... ... oh. At least I see that you won - and handily. Did you manage to acquire any techs while you were down there by any chance?
IZAYSHUN: Did we? We pretty much cleaned up down here. They've got nothing on us anymore but a few bits of junk we don't need.
WIN: Ah. We got it all then? Everything important? Megabolts? Battle Computer Mark VII? Terraforming +40? IIT5? Bio Toxin Antidote?
IZAYSHUN: Errrr, welllll ... not the antidote as such but....
WIN: (Glowering) I see. And you said we got everything we needed. It seems you need to learn the plight of the Darloks who would die in case of a Death Spore raid while we still lack that antidote. And maybe you'll learn to speak in specifics while you're about it. I'm reassigning you, effective immediately, to help guard Silicoid government assets on that world as we redistribute them to members of the Darlok public.
IZAYSHUN: (Horrified) You mean I'm not...
WIN: I think you know exactly what I mean ... Private Izayshun.
SCENE 2471
Imperial Holonews Chamber, Night. The USUAL SUSPECTS are back together again.
REFSITH: I've got the cloning plans we just reverse-engineered from Alkari vat blueprints here. So that brings us back to the point we reached with our invasion of Dolz back in '69: Total tech parity.
WIN: (Nodding) Under the circumstances, it was better to break contact with the Mrrshans than to preserve it. With no tech deficit to make up, we have no need of extra targets for our spies.
REFSITH: Sure. I noticed on the way over though: Why don't we have any transports en route to Keeta?
WIN: That little snowball? Who needs it? Just a moment ago, we bombed it out of existence instead.
REFSITH: Think that'll make the news?
WIN: ...
REFSITH: ...
WIN: Well, I did foreshadow this in Scene 2326, you know. What a lousy second planet.
SCENE 2475
Imperial War Room for the Orion Sector. The USUAL SUSPECTS face each other across an inactive holomap display.
WIN: I suppose this was inevitable once their dreadnought took its orbit.
REFSITH: We did get rid of it finally, and killed a bunch of their transports, but there wasn't really much point any more, since the factories had all been bombed away. Kronos is no great loss; the planet was virtually empty of minerals anyway.
WIN: So, the rebels control Kronos again: A bunch of rocks have returned to the ocean, trying to shield their harbor from the storm.
REFSITH: Yeah. A regular jetty.
WIN: Commence orbital bombardment at the first opportunity. They all shall die.
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