2325: I can't believe it! Even though I refused to talk to them back when they landed at Ryoun, the Klackons sent an ambassador, and some of our merchants spoke with it and agreed to trade 25 BC per year with them!!! All the merchants responsible are rounded up, disassembled piece by robotic piece, and then executed by torture! That'll teach them! As for the vile insects themselves, I ensure that no such backstabbing will ever happen again!
It's war! I don't care if my ships can't actually reach any of their colonies except the one we can't inhabit anyway! We'll be able to reach them someday, and then we'll kill them all, to the last screaming larva and the last domesticated giant aphid! That's what they get for being evil! Die, die, die, insect scum! Which is redundant anyway!
2326: One of the accursed bugs' Scout 1.0s has arrived at Bootis, the dead world south of Meklon, forcing our Colony Ship to flee for its life! The joke's on them: It's impossible to colonize worlds that hostile anyway! But wait! What's this? My scanning crews are reporting that another of those terrifying ships is coming straight for Meklon! I already sent my Nexus cruiser away on a very important mission to help escort one of our colony ships to Misha, which means our homeworld is completely undefended! One of my advisors suggests building a quick fighter or destroyer to chase off the evil insect fleet - the fool! Nothing less than a fully-armed cruiser could possibly protect us from the enemy's Evil Nastiness Beams, and we'll never finish one in time! I order an emergency shelter constructed in the palace to protect critical government functions from bombardment, by shielding our most important leaders (mainly, me). I order them to use lots of tin foil! It's the only hope for civilization in the galaxy!
2327-28: Here it comes! Aiiiiiieeeeeee!!!
I hurry to my shelter and bolt the door so no Evil Nastiness Rays can get in! This is terrifying! Oh, what horrors are being wrought outside by the evil insect beings?
...
...
That's funny. I don't hear any thunderous explosions or horrifying screams of death and terror. What's going on out there, anyway?
...
What the ... my Meklar people are just going about their business, as if nothing is wrong! I demand a report from my scanning crews, and they claim the alien ship has merely deployed its planetary survey equipment, and is mapping our world from space. The fools! That's not survey equipment! Those are obviously Giant Evil Death Guns! One of my engineers protests that they can't be — the entire ship is smaller than one of our Heavy Laser cannons — so I have him executed at once! Obviously I meant they are guns that fire Giant Evil Death! They don't have to be giant themselves! But anyway, they are giant! They only look small because it's an evil Klackon trick! I return to my shelter, and refuse to come out until that stupid bug ship leaves!
2332: I finally have communications systems hooked up in my Evil-Nastiness-Beam-Proof Shelter. It seems a couple of years ago, another of those horrible Scout 1.0s arrived at barren Proxima to our southeast. My Scout wisely fled, but it was only a decoy: The bugs are building a new colony way off on the other side of the galaxy!
The desert world of Willow in the far west will have to be decontaminated before anyone can safely live there - after the ants are exterminated, obviously. Also, pay no attention to the bugs' claims that they know how to land on tundra worlds now, and are working on Controlled Inferno Environment. In spite of their trick of admitting to laziness, and their babble about not finding any toxic worlds and wanting to claim Artemis right away, they are obviously lying. Bugs are incapable of developing technology. Anyway, I have work to do. Now that it has two cruisers to escort it, our colony ship for Misha should finally be safe from the evil Scout 1.0 there, so it sets out with its escorts from Tyr.
2336: Bwahahahaha! Misha is ours! Their cowardly ship retreated! I'm winning! I'm winning!
2340: Yyyyyyessssssss! We just finished a missile base here at Meklon, and instead of killing us all with its Giant Evil Death Guns, the Scout 1.0 retreated! I can finally come out of my shelter! But wait! What if there's an invisible Klackon fleet in orbit? Dare I take the risk?
2341-2: I had to. My DVD collection was in my room in the palace. Anyway, the bugs are just pretending to do a bunch of research now since they can see we're winning.
Deep Space Scanner is the only thing they even pretend to have a choice about. They claim to want it for "intelligence purposes," which is obviously a lie since they have no intelligence. They couldn't really have researched cheap ECM or a new battle computer anyway; just ignore their claims. They also think Class II Deflector Shields and Hyper-V Rockets will help protect them from "Meklar attack"! Ha! As if they don't already have Evil Murder Kill Death Hate Guns on their ships! Besides, they're the aggressors here! We're just going to exterminate them in self defense! The worst lie is Improved Industrial Tech 9 though. They admit it has no use for them whatsoever, but they're claiming, "The value of scientific research is not in its first anticipated gains, but in the development of knowledge itself. When Sir Itzikik Newxtonix invented calculus to describe the orbits of the planets, he could not have known that his work, with no apparent use in our daily lives, would contribute to the development of refrigeration, computing, and every other convenience we take for granted in our modern society. We study construction simply to learn what is possible." Some of my scientists believe them, and are terrified that with philosophies like that actually receiving government support, the Klackons will leave us in their dust, so I have those scientists executed. Anyway, the bugs are also pretending they can build nuclear engines now, and will upgrade them to Sub-Light Drives somewhere down the line. You just keep telling yourselves that, little buggies.
2343: NooooooooOOOOOOOOO! I said the insects don't really have controlled tundra technology! Why does no one listen to me?
This is obviously a betrayal by somebody; Aquilae is a tundra world, so their colony there is an impossibility! Their claim that they now have contact with the two-planet Mrrshan empire, and that they're sending their evil Scout 1.0 away from Kronos as a gesture of goodwill to go with their 25 BC trade treaty, is just Klackon propaganda! The Aquilae colony doesn't exist! I execute the scanning crews responsible for reporting it, and forbid anyone ever going there for any reason. That'll teach RBO-15!
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Next: Xenophobia Proven Right!!!!1!!11!!!
