Their lone Scout 2.0 immediately retreats instead of firing its Death Weapons, and though they do their best to dodge our rockets, all the Drone laser fighters, 2.0s and 3.0s alike, are destroyed! My colony ship retreats because it can't get past the bases' shielding, and then my Devastator goes after the planet! It has four times as much armor as both bases combined, and it's doing damage! Never mind that it can barely penetrate the shields, and isn't damaging the bases nearly as fast as their rockets are damaging it! It's just a trick! We keep firing! The Klackons only have Evil Attack Guns, not any kinds of defenses! It only looks like we can't possibly take out more than one of their bases before they destroy us because of a halluciragentom - like a hallucination and mirage and phantom all rolled into one! They cause it with their evil mind control rays! That's why we have to kill them right away! It looks like we might not even take out one of their bases before we have to retreat, and it looks like they might take out our dreadnought, but that is totally fake! We keep firing! We keep ... NOOOOOOOOO!!! How can the the Devastator be destroyed? That's not true! Keep firing! Keep killing! Keep firing!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
2390: Last year never happened. Don't even say anything.
2391: My advisors are still insisting it wasn't a good idea to launch our first major attack on a star that was about to go nova. What idiots! It was a brilliant strategy! What could possibly be wrong with it?
......
You know what's worse than the star blowing up and killing all but 7 million of my soldiers there? Stupid RBO-15 already had transports on the way to reclaim it from me! Plus, the stupid ants sent almost 30 fighters to make sure they control its orbit! There are going to be bugs living right on my doorstep again, and there's nothing I can do to stop them! I hate the stupid insects. I really do.
2392: Of course the stupid bugs take over Ryoun's orbit, and of course their stupid troops kill off my few remaining soldiers on the surface. My only consolation is that tens of millions of Klackons die because there isn't enough room on its tiny still-habitable surface for all the troops they sent when it was still a healthy colony. But the worst thing is the conspiracy that's still out there! Prrsha just gave the insects computer tech for free! Oh, of course they claim it was a trade of Battle Computer Mark II for Duralloy Armor, but that's totally impossible, because for the last time, duralloy doesn't exist!!!
2396: Oh, suuuuuuuuuuuure! So the bugs are supposed to have quadrupled the effectiveness of the terraforming tech they got from the Mrrshans years ago. As if! Bugs can never improve anything; they can only make it worse! Also, you can tell they're lying because they say their "next project" will be Controlled Toxic Environment, which is impossible, and that they're delaying cloning and advanced ecology, both of which are made-up science fiction things!
2397: I hate bugs! I hate them, I hate them, I hate them!!!
Where do I even start?! First of all, Beta Ceti is a poor world! Anyone who would ever stoop to sending an attack force to a poor world like Beta Ceti deserves to be exterminated from the galaxy! Second of all, their claims that they arrived to liberate the planet and bury the millions of chitin exoskeletal bodies of their friends and families which we had displayed in our town squares and on building spires and defaced in various ways, are total lies! We liberated Beta Ceti from them when we sent our attack force there thirty or forty years ago. Anything the bugs take over is an evil conquest, and anything we take over is a liberation, by definition, because bugs are evil and machines are good! But most importantly, there is no such thing as duralloy armor!!! The only reason we had so much trouble penetrating the bugs' combat armor with our automatic rifles was that they cheated again! I can't believe they illegally used hand lasers against Meklar who were merely firing harmless machine guns and rocket-propelled grenades and things! And don't talk to me about Inertial Stabilizer and Battle Computer Mark IV. I told you the only way bugs get new technologies is by stealing them!
The Klackons call to say they've buried the bodies of their fallen "civillians" from Ryoun and Beta Ceti (I can't believe they'd do that! The defacements were so funny!) and are prepared to offer peace. Peace? HA! With an insect?! I tell RBO-15 they can have peace as soon as they give me the secrets of inferno bases! Which will be never, because there's no such thing!
2398: How can other races be so stupid?
Doesn't Smurch realize that a non-aggression pact with the Klackons is the same as being evil and bad and evil?!?! It's bad enough that he's part of Prrsha's giant "alliance of everyone who isn't a bug or a machine" and therefore at war with me like everyone else in the entire galaxy.
2399: The evil, stupid, ugly, evil Klackons, who are also evil, destroy another of my latest Tornado cruisers at Beta Ceti, plus the colony ship I sent with it. This is intolerable aggression against the forces I innocently sent to bomb their colony and provide space support so my soldiers could go to conquer it. The insects also lie that they've developed ECM II and are forgoing more ECM or robotic controls to develop the computers they stole from me into a Battle Computer Mark V. Suuuuuure. You just keep telling yourself that, RBO-15! Maybe if you keep repeating you can do research, it'll actually come true! Or maybe you're just evil, lying scum!!!!!!!
They still want peace, but still won't give me inferno bases for it, which is more proof that Inferno technology is actually totally fake. Of course, they try to prove this wrong by agreeing to Prrsha's demand that they "give her Inferno technology" to break her alliance with the Humans, but that's obviously not proof; it's just more lying, by the conspiracy! The bugs are only pretending they don't want Alexander to win the election next year! The only thing anyone really cares or is worried about is me!
2400: Yyyyyyeessssssss!!! The elections come up, and RBO-15 is opposed by me! Finally! The respect I deserve! All right!!! ... Wait, why do the Klackons look so happy too? They're actually throwing some kind of a party as if this was an unexpected stroke of good luck! Don't they realize this means I'm winning? Did they start to believe their own lies about not wanting Alexander to get elected?
Muh ... sbuh ... blblmrfn..... WHAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAaaaaAAAAAAT?!?!?!
What do you mean they won the election?! What do you mean everyone voted for them but me?! Just because I'm at war with literally every race in the galaxy and they aren't at war with anyone but me?!?! I can't believe this! They're less than one vote short of a veto on their own, and have almost twice as many votes as me! It's almost as if the vote count is including their imaginary tundra and dead and inferno colonies and the extra population they lyingly claim to have grown with nonexistant Terraforming +40! It's impossible! It can't be! All the other emperors are congratulating them and talking about the glorious return of the Orion civilization! NooooOOOOOOooooOOOOOOOO!!! The bugs are evil! Evil, I tell you! They destroyed the Orion people! It says so right here in all my press releases! And now RBO-15 is talking about amnesty and forgiveness for all the Meklar people who participated in the war over Esper and Ryoun and Beta Ceti! They actually have the gall to tell those lies and pretend they have the right to be forgiving when I am good and they are evil and I am winning! I'll show them amnesty!
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Next: Epilogue
