(Gack - choke - splutter) Is this what you call a handover? In 2350 no less?! Un-be-lievable!!! Unemployment at 75%, including almost 50% on Meklon? Still just five worlds to our name? (Okay, I admit there's a colony ship en route.) Weapons research not even started? We even have a Scout 2.0 going to the wrong star! What on Meklon?! This isn't an empire! This is a mess! Looks like there's just one cyborg who's bionically-enhanced fuzzball enough to clean it up: Me! Refrofit Infra, Minister of the Interior, and acting head of RBO-12! I've been helplessly complaining about the state of our empire for fifty years, and now it's time to put my credits where my combination nutrient intake port and speaker-amplifier array is! Let's do this!
First things first: Meklon needs more factories up, and Construction isn't getting enough emphasis. I want the 11% boost to factory construction while I'm still in power to do something with it! Our economy is in such a shambles, weapons tech will have to wait! Quiet, Refpect ForceTran; you'll get your turn later!
2353: I've been getting everything lined up for this next step throughout my entire reign so far; Kakata is in the Klackons' attack range, and we're going to stand it up so fast, your head will spin! Our preparations are ready, and we're starting the job as of ... now!
Suddenly things aren't looking so bad! We're the first to six systems, and have a real 'borg at the helm for a change! No time to rest on our laurels though; we've got an empire that needs building! Among other things, I finally put Refrens to work on Weapons technology! Seriously, guys, is this really that hard? Could none of my predecessors get a grip on reality and do this right? Unemployment at Meklon is down below 15% already. What's that? Cherry-picking stats, am I? Still over 70% unemployment emperor-wide with tens of millions in transports, including many coming from Meklon itself, you say? Oh, yeah? Well, you just watch!
2354: We've now got a deep space scanner; stand by for more intel while I mock our new ECM and Battle Computer options and choose Improved Robotic Controls III! The only weapons Refrens can think of to design are Hyper-V Rockets, but that's just what I was hoping for anyway! When things are going my way, they go my way! Next up, we get a census report from GNN annnnnd ... We're Number One! We're Number One! We're Number One! You BET! That's with dozens of transports in space! And our stunted Klackon neighbors come in second, ahead of the Psilons, Humans, Bears, and Birds! All of a sudden, I'm feeling optimistic about this galaxy! No time to celebrate though. Our last old warp 1 designs hit the scrap heap, with the pieces all bound for Kakata - where we'll reassemble them into factories!
2355: Factory tech improves again, and we're off to the races! Auto-Repair is a sweet looking option, but there's something even sweeter: Reduced Industrial Waste 60%!!! Thank the Great Thinking Machine in the Sky that I worked to get the new factory designs in during my reign! Can you imagine if the choice had been up to Admiral Refpect?
2359: Want to hear something funny? Ix has gone relaxed on us! This is lunacy maybe - she's crazy enough to declare on us anyway with no warning - but I'm going to try a really risky gambit here and sign her up for a Non-Aggression Pact. It'll be a long time before she can make a play for Zoctan anyway, and this'll give us a little warning at least before she goes all cold-war on Berel or Kakata. I'm thinking even longer-term than that though - which is crazy, I know, believe me, since she could declare hot war as easily as cold, at any minute, but I figured I had to try something to get us out of the hole - and the corner - we're in! No way I'm increasing our trade agreement though; strategic risks are one thing, but monetary risks mean cash down the drain!
2360: There you have it! Here's what happens when someone competent is running the Meklar for a change!
We lead our nearest neighbor in every category but Fleet Strength and Total Power - both of which are illusions created by her insubstantial clouds of laser fighters - and at last report (7 years ago) she was the population leader, non-cyborg category! Meklon unemployment is below 11%! Empire-wide unemployment is under 65% - still horrifying, but far better than it's been in history up to this point! Kakata, our best world within the Klackons' combat range, is now our second most productive colony, though it wasn't even founded when I took over! (Berel, also in Klackon threat range, is our least productive, but there's not much you can do for that pitiful little joke of a world). Two key techs have come in, with more on the way, and a great security tech is on the verge of completion. So what do you say? Want me to lead us for a few more years, maybe?
...
(sigh) No, I had a feeling you wouldn't. I guess I'll go spend 110 years trying to find someone who appreciates me.
OOC COMMENTS: Looking good, eh? Looks like the AIs are all stunted and we've invoked the Sullla Tautology, right? Lead the AI in tech and production on the harder difficulties and you're not going to give up that lead! ... Right? ... Um, no. In a normal game, yes, but this variant is crazy! With my current lead, I could easily run down the planetology tree, grab all those yummy hostiles, pump up our worlds with terraforming until even Berel is a dream ... except that I'm not allowed to build, beg, borrow, or steal a single tech in planetology! What this means is, I have to get moving fast, or the other races will outstrip me - because it's not going to be easy getting out of this corner, and even if I can build a fleet to (temporarily) defend the sweet hostiles within reach, there's nothing I can do right now to prevent someone like the Psilons from gobbling up all the planets, hostile or otherwise, in the remaining ~75% of the galaxy! And if they do, believe you me, I'm not going to be able to maintain my lead ... in any category!
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Next: Hitting the Books!
