Arrrrrrgh!!! Even the GNN Newsdroid is in on the conspiracy! The Klackons do not have six star systems! Two of them are totally fake! At least!
2350-4: Bah! The stupid bugs have taken Moro now, a barren world way off in the west, plus poor Beta Ceti, not far west of my space. Yiech! Well, let them! Just more insects to exterminate when the time comes! Besides, at least now that stupid GNN report is true!
2356: The idiotic Mrrshans actually call up the Klackons on purpose and ask to triple their trade agreement. Of course the infestation agrees; they want to spread their vile evils (there are no Klackon "goods") throughout the galaxy! There is only one response to this: We must stop the bugs where they stand! I send my most powerful star fleet to Beta Ceti!
2357: Aha! Maybe the Mrrshans know what they're doing after all! They send an armed colony ship to Seidon, escorted by two cruisers and nine destroyers! The cowardly bugs' one remaining ship in the system retreats, and the planet becomes a Mrrshan colony! Thank goodness the Klackons will never have it! And the planet gives Prrsha a chance to call on me! Of course I refuse to answer. Alien scum. I'm busy listening in on Klackon transmissions. In fact, now they're calling Prrsha!
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! All the aliens are out to get me! Prrsha just agreed to declare war on me and give RBO-15 Improved Terraforming +10 for Nuclear Engines! It's a conspiracy! I call up Prrsha at once and demand an explanation! Doesn't she realize the bugs killed the glorious people of Orion?!
Transmission record:
Prrsha: What are you talking about, TX-1138? The Klackons are the descendants of Orion. The evidence was overwhelming even before we met them. We even have records of an environmentalist offshoot of the ancient Orion people that took up residence at Kholdan with minimal factories. That's why they survived when their automation network turned against them - they never installed the advanced semi-sentient automated controls.
TX-1138: You idiot! You're lying! It's an alien conspiracy! Machines can never do bad things! Only non-machines are evil! Especially bugs! And other kinds of aliens, like you! Die, alien scum! We're going to war!
Prrsha: Errrrm, we're kind of at war with you already. You declared war on our Klackon friends ages ago without provocation, and refused their offer of peace just last year. When they asked us to help fight you off, we could hardly refuse. Besides, you're clearly insane.
TX-1138: I knew it! This proves I was right all along! Die, alien! Die!!!
2361: We'll show them! We'll show them all!
We only need two fully-armed cruisers and four colony ships to be sure of taking Beta Ceti's orbit! The ants' cowardly Scout 1.0 retreats without firing its Doom Cannons! Transports are now on the way! Ignore the insect lies about colonizing Maalor in the west and developing inferno bases. They also claim they're going to improve on the technology they got from the cats by developing Improved Terraforming +40 just because they "haven't seen any toxic worlds yet" and "don't feel bio-toxin antidote is worth the opportunity cost of 30 million extra Klackons on each of many worlds." Don't be fooled! They're just trying to impress everyone with techno-babble! "Opportunity cost" indeed! That doesn't even mean anything!
2364: Our troops land and conquer Beta Ceti! We lose barely more than a fifth of our fighting force to the evil bugs! And before you say anything, there is absolutely no truth to the rumor that the bugs have been steadily sending population away from the planet for years, to minimize conflict and loss of life on both sides! Those are evil, Klackon-spawned rumors! There were three entire millions of bugs on the planet when we arrived! Millions, I say! We barely outnumbered them by more than ten to one! It was a tremendous, monumental victory, not mop-up of a young, poor-and-therefore-indefensible, barely-inhabited, mostly-evacuated reach colony!
2365: Ha! Why do they bother with their lies? They aren't fooling anybody!
As we all know, the Klackons do not know the secrets of inferno landings, and therefore have not colonized Rich Artemis. Obviously they also haven't learned to improve their factory-building techniques, since even they admit they don't build factories! The lies about working on Duralloy Armor are obvious. "Working on," ha! Let me know when they actually protect their missile bases with it!
2369: Now they claim to have new rockets and shields, and that work is starting on Class III Deflector Shields and a Fusion Bomb because "X-rockets aren't much of an upgrade, and we don't want to backtrack later on if we can help it." Gibberish! It doesn't mean anything! Also, they've supposedly maxed out their population on Artemis. Yeah, at zero! Haha! Zing!!!
2370: While the bugs were making up more lies, I've been doing real things! My fleet chases them off of Proxima, and I form my first barren colony! Eat that, insects!!! Plus, I've got more ships heading further east! I'm going to show these aliens what expansion means! It means ... um ... it means ... oh, right ... getting more planets than the stupid aliens!!!
2372: Noooooo! It's a conspiracy, I tell you!
Not only are the bugs and cats signing a non-aggression pact with each other, they're even trading weapon technologies - Hand Lasers for Hyper-V Rockets! It's almost as if they're on the same side in their mutual war against me! This is the same year the stupid insects claim to have installed new scanners at all their deep space stations too, and built a new colony at dead Toranor, and started research on ECM Jammer Mark II. They claim they have no interest in advanced robotic factory controls, but that's only because they're too stupid to build any!!!
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Next: Die, Bugs! Die!!!
