2300: Enough is enough! Years of bickering and squabbling have produced only a single colony ship and a pair of miserable scouts, all of them expensive and unarmed, and a bunch of worthless and expensive combat blueprints for ships that we'd be unspeakable fools to ever build! Unemployment is at almost 80% and will get worse before it gets better, and we know almost nothing about the galaxy into which we're sending our ships. Finally, finally, the rest of the oligarchy has agreed to do this right! We need a single emperor to run things efficiently, even if the oligarchy itself remains the official ruling body. I'm not talking about a coup; I'm talking about taking turns, learning to share instead of everyone screaming "Mine!" like little children and insisting on taking part in every decision, big or small. I don't know how we managed to agree on this, but we did it somehow, and I'm going to get us started here, finally! As the acting head of the Ruling Bionic Oligarchy of 12, I, the great Refrything SmorgasBorg, plan to do my people proud - and try not to make the other eleven members of the RBO-12 cabinet too furious with me! Get ready, galaxy! Here come the Meklar people! (Sounds of cheering, recorded in advance and piped in via amplifiers in SmorgasBorg's torso.) Yeah, baby!
Okay, so here's the deal: After tossing our worthless plans for platinum-plated military ships in the nearrest incinerator, I have a look at the galaxy as we (barely) know it. Not looking pretty. There's a lot of stars out there, and we've only got three ships to cover them.
Our colony ship's heading for the nearest star to get its maintenance costs off the books, and the Scouts head way off to the west to see if they can interdict alien fleets, which might be coming from the yellow star at which I'm pointing. Our minister of intelligence, Refcon AIssance says we need more ships yesterday, so I design a Newscout and order a pair. Science Minister Refrens eBook boggles his photoreceptors and says we can't neglect research, while the Minister of the Interior, Refrofit Infra, can't believe we won't have any new factories finished next year - he's not reassured when I tell him 0.6 is better than 0.0 - but I can't accomodate everybody, and at least I'm doing something! Refrens and Refrofit argue for the remainder of the year while I ignore them.
OOC NOTE: I spent a good long time considering my Meklon Gambit here - the one for which this site is named. The initial star layout looked almost ideal for it, as it didn't look like our first colony would extend our scouting range much, if at all, but I ultimately decided against it; I didn't have the stomach for the risk at the start of what was already likely to be a very challenging game.
2301: More of the same. I like to call this "sticking to plan." Refrofit calls it "suicide," but I can't stick to plan without continuing to ignore him! The new Newscouts are sent south to interdict possible ships from another yellow star.
2302: I love it when a plan comes together. (Refrens of course is scoffing, "You love it when you get lucky, you mean!")
The only little problem with our new Paranar colony is that it allows us to scout exactly zero new planets. Refcon sneers, "That's okay, we don't have enough ships for the ones we can scout anyway!" which is rather rude of him, considering how I've accomodated him so far in my reign. I intend to stop building Newscouts to spite him, but Refrofit actually attacks me in the corridor with a drafting compass, so it's more necessary to spite him. I start a slow trickle of transports out to Paranar, trying not to let them slow down any of Meklon's actual work, and keep up the shipbuilding.
2303: Refrofit enters my office with half his LEDs burned out, carrying a sheaf of papers and no sharp objects. Apologizing miserably, he pleads, "I wasn't myself! I had just gotten the latest figures! Unemployment is over 83% across the empire, and we're losing four billion credits a year to ship maintenance!" This can't be right; all my reports indicate our ships cost only a billion credits to maintain. "If only!" he sobs. "It's costing us a billion for the ships ... and three billion for the associated bureaucracy - including the labor of every living Meklar at our new colony!" Horrified, I resolve to fire somebody, and cease shipbuilding altogether. (Don't tell Refrofit this, but I have no more need for scouts right now anyway!)
2304: Someone has stolen my favorite desk blotter! I spend the entire year in a desperate search.
2305: Victory! It was hidden under the couch! Only slightly torn by my mecha-poodle! I ... (Red alert sirens sound throughout the Capital Building) Wha...? What's going on?
By Wintermute! It's a Klackon Scout! That means Kholdan's got to be where I'm pointing - I sure hope I guessed correctly that it's at least 5 parsecs from this tiny little desert world of Berel ... because if it's not, the Klacks have a scouting report of the place, and I'm going to look like an idiot! But wait: Good news! It turns out that no one will ever know! I don't suppose anyone knows why the Scout is running away? Is it afraid of our Newscout? I was scrambling under the couch when the battle took place, so I missed it.
2306: Great news! There's no need to worry that an enemy fleet beat us to the green star in the west!
And we have one less Scout to maintain in our fleet! Better still, the blue and white stars right near it are totally uninhabitable! Granted, the Darrian inferno is a miner's dream, and the dead world of Stalaz is of semi-decent size, and some idiot species that's actually willing to find ways to live on hostile worlds (eeeeeeeeew!) might use them to stepping-stone their way right up to us if we're not careful, as Admiral Refpect ForceTran keeps insisting, but I don't care! This is the perfect opportunity to scrap the last of our old pre-succession designs, including the Scout over Stalaz! I do so, and have a Lander designed to replace the old, wasteful colony ship. The old Scout's spare parts are shipped to Meklon, towed by the pilot's escape pod. This provides a whopping two billion BC! And ship maintenance is now free! Yippeeeeeeeeeee!
2307: What's this? Now my favorite letter opener has gone missing! There's a conspiracy!
2308: Ha, ha! It was cybernetically attached to my third forearm the entire time! Who'd have... (Red Alert sirens sound throughout the capital building.) Yeeeek! WhatisitwhatisitwhatisitwhatisitHELP!
(Silence)
Is it over? Can I come out from under my desk now? Oh, good. Now, what happened? Ah! it seems that one of our Newscouts retreated from a Fighter at the Not-Kholdan yellow star in the south. Why, what cowardly behavior! I order it back to investigate immediately! Also, Zhardan is a big, beautiful jungle in the north, easily in colony range. I suppose that's exciting. Now I just have to fiddle around with our Newscout locations, and ... what? Yes, Refrens, come in. You say we've done no research throughout my entire reign? Yes, yes, I know that. I ... wait, you say we're probably only ever going to have five stars that don't stink to high cyberheaven - and one that does, if we're lucky - unless we get researching right away? I don't know if I ... wait, what? Colonial Minister Refspand oMatic? You're here too? And you agree? Well, then! I'll order Paranar to get started on construction and propulsion techs right away!
2309: Well, Refrens? What are my choices in these tech fields?
I see. Improved Industrial Tech 9 and Hydrogen Fuel Cells. There wouldn't be a chance that you've selected these in advance from three or four possible projects just to take the choice out of my hands, would there be?
...
Fortunately for you, these are the ones I would have wanted anyway. Now go away while I find out what happened to that Klackon Fighter.
Hmmm. Apparently it left, most likely because the planet it was orbiting is a blazing inferno called Zoctan. This makes it virtually certain that - in addition to the ones we expected to get already - we'll nab the world of Berel that stinks like rotten cheese! Yay! To celebrate, I start this great new Sudoku puzzle that Entertainment Minister Refiraxis GameBot gave me! I'm sure to have it solved in no time!
2313: (Red Alert sirens recur) Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!! Will you CUT that OUT?! What now?
Wait, you interrupted my Sudoku puzzle for this?! Yeah, yeah, that other yellow star that I thought could be a homeworld has got to be Ursa, and it's got a scout returning to it, which probably scouted Stalaz while the planet was left unguarded. Give me a break. We have way more important things to do, like figuring out which of these spaces should have a one, and which should have a three.
2316: This puzzle is impossible! I hate it! I'm going back to empire building! How soon can I build a Lander? Six years? That won't even be done during my reign! No fair! Stupid puzzle. All right, well, I'm starting the Lander anyway, and ordering it to proceed directly to Paranar and (this is important) to not pass Go! Whoever rules next had better not change anything, that's all I have to say.
...
Wait, what if I put a six in the lower left-hand corner?
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Next: Magic Words ... and Colonies!
