Imperium 25 - Holiday Fun???

The old Grinch stole every last tech he could see...
...and then stole the rule of the whole galaxy!



He went to Orion, the Ancients' Throne Star,
That from there he could rule all worlds, both near and far!



The footage shows ... wait! Hold on! Something's gone wrong!
This footage does not show his victory song!



No, no! It's all wrong! Why it's...



...way of date!
'Twas the year aught-one when that old thing met its fate!
The Guardian was vanquished some six years BEFORE!
And when the Grinch won, why then, what was in store?
Believe it or not, all the Darloks went out
And celebrated (although they did NOT shout!)
With a soft, happy song, and a kind of a dance
(It did involve glow-swords, long cloaks, and a lance)
And then they all feasted on wonderful fare.
The Grinch ... HE HIMSELF! ... The Grinch carved the roast bear!






Scoring:

Total techs stolen by 2500: 77!
Game Rsult: Extermination victory in 2507 (X2)
Total Score: 154
Tie Breaker Tech: Plasma Rifle(!) - Tech Level 42!

In case you're wondering, the breakdown was 33 tech steals in 150 turns of regulation, and 44 in 50 turns of Final War (partly but not entirely because I stepped up my espionage efforts as the deadline approached; I never actually ran out of targets to steal until the late 2490s). I really lucked out with that Derelict event hitting at just about the perfect time. This score ought to be competitive, though anyone who REALLY went all-out for score might still beat it. For me, the main thing was that this was a really fun game! Many thanks to Maniac Marshall for sponsoring this one!

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Imperium 25 - War! War! War! WAR!

That the Grinch should have all of the same techs as they -
They couldn't abide it! No, not for a day!
That the Grinch ruled himself, no slave to their High Master
To all the AIs seemed a major disaster!
No matter that none of his fleets were attacking:
Their favorite leader did not have his backing!
"He doesn't like noise or the things that we like!"
The AIs all shouted, "It's time for a strike
Against this dark menace to all we hold dear!"
(Though how he was menacing wasn't quite clear)
They were so busy shouting, "He'll die, and he'll pay!"
They forgot all about their peaceful holiday -
And that's why - though no one would relish the blame -
The Jubilee Holiday never ... quite ... came!

The Grinch said, "Well that is a real crying shame.
There's no jubilee now, and yet all the same
They're making the noise I so hate, and they claim
If they get their hands on me, they'll kill, rend, and maim!
There's no peaceful answer - they've all said so much
That they plan to eradicate my race and such
That there's really no chance of a hope anymore
Not when peace jubilees get forgotten in war!"
So the Grinch frowned his lips, and the Grinch closed his eyes...
And the Grinch said goodbye to all of the AIs!



Oh, how many worlds did he strike in one year?
More planets than there was space to display here!
Sol had lots and lots of fighters on the scene...
So he wiped out the planet from the combat screen!
Plus Crypto, Obaca, and Cryslon and Sssla
And Escalon too: The Grinch came, he saw,
He took orbital control in the deep void...
And in one year's bombardment, they all were destroyed!
And all in one year! Truly ALL in one year!
And yet more I'm missing transpired then, I fear!
But now we must move on to Two-Five-Oh-Two!
What then? Oh, what more could old Mister Grinch do?



Destroy eight more worlds? Well, he did, anyway!
'Twas quite a high toll for the AIs to pay!
The Brains most of all - though it hadn't been planned,
The Grinch that year wiped out the last Psilon land!
And he still wasn't done! He was racing along!
And what was it that we heard? Was it a song?
Was it a song that the old Grinch was humming?
It WAS! He hummed while giving AIs a drumming!
It wasn't much noise - no, it wasn't a lot -
But a glad song it was; a war-cry it was not!
So we listened, and smiled, and all sang along
While the old Grinch invented a glass-making song!
But what happened next was another surprise:
The very next year, before all of our eyes,
The gold newsdroid said Humankind was no more!
"Already?!" The Grinch asked, his jaw on the floor.
"The Sakkra, I planned for, but I guess in most views,
All the lizards had earned was 'also in the news...'"



By aught five, with fleets that gave AIs the willies,
The Grinch smirked as he mourned, "Awww ... all out of Silis!"
Yet still the Bulrathi refused to step down!
They still tried to run the old Grinch out of town!
(And out of the galaxy, life and existence;
What they lacked in brains, they made up in persistence...)
The Bears even bragged when they finally made
Some headway (poor little Aqui, I'm afraid -
A planet so poor it was barely defended;
The conquest, of course, would soon have to be mended)
"The grand New Republic is now on the verge
Of wiping your Darloks out! Getting the urge
To surrender? Well, too late! You'll fall to our might!"
But sadly for him, he did not get it right.
By the year aught-six, it was quite plain to see
What the Ursines were facing in "their" galaxy:



It seems that old Bullux was destined to fall.
Another year started ... and then that was all.



The Battle was over; the war had been won
And so it was time for some ... Holiday Fun???

Imperium 25 - Final War

While the AIs wondered how to kill him precisely,
The Grinch calmly told them, "You've chosen unwisely."

Well, an earthquake hit Rana the very next year
(The die rolls themselves voted Bullux, I fear!)
But did that stop the Grinch? No! Why, ECM3
Fell to an all-fields spy hit the next year, you see!
Johann might have been miffed, but he soon would admit
That some things are worse than a little spy hit!




U-R Phantos got bombed down to one population!
"What luck," cried the Grinch. "It will join Darlok Nation
Still faster than I had already intended!"
And it did; two years later, Johann's rule there ended -
Just as an all-fields Psilon spy (man alive!)
Came away like a rose with brand-new BC5!
The Grinch stole Inferno and fine Neutron Blasters,
Stole Range 8 & 9 from slaves of the "High Master's,"
Stole Pulsar and Zortium; then from the Chief Berater
Of Everything Grinchy, stole Warp Dissipator!
The "High Master" growled, but in truth barely rated.
The news spoke when Herculis went radiated
(A blow to the Brains) but when Bullux spoke out
No one listened at all; the Grinch won in a rout
Whenever the news asked whose ratings would win -
Especially once Advanced Scanners came in!
Though his researchers grabbed 'em (instead of his spies)
He still felt the investment had been rather wise,
For from that day, the Grinch, and the old Grinch alone
Could see the whole galaxy from his snowy throne!



So what did he do next? Why, what was left to do...
But to steal Impulse Drives, and Ion Rifle too?
He stole Stingers and means of enriching the soil
Plus terra plus forty and the means to foil
Such death spores as might drop: The same antidote
He himself hadn't researched much since the first vote!
He pilfered 'Coid sub-light drives just for some fun
While his research teams had the AIs on the run.
They'd just worked out BC7, research well spent
(And finished IIT8 by accident)
And picked out new research goals never to chase
(Except learning Comm techniques for Hyperspace).
He stole Ion Drives and class 6 IIT
And Megabolts - guns almost too cool for me!
Then Hard Beam and Fusion Beam, all in the clear
A full two decades ere the jubilee year!
And the year after that, the Grinch saw, with a laugh:
"I'm up to number one on every single graph!



He stole Hard Beam, Repulsor Beam, X-Planetary!
Class-V Deflectors! (Was that necessary?)
With a 'coid steal arriving in only one field,
He snapped up a Personal Absorption Shield.
When he stole Controlled Radiated from a B'ar,
The Grinch finally could claim Rich Paranar -
But not before he also pilfered AER
And ECM 4 (not his best steal by far)
But as Paranar at last got a 'lok colony,
Still a dozen years before the jubilee,
The best luck - the best news - the Grinch ever heard
Came through GNN - and this was the word:
A derelict ship from the age of Orion
Was found by the ursines, and they weren't cryin'!
The grand New Republic got weapons and shields
Just when they'd lost their last leads in all their last fields!
And of course to the Grinch, this had special appeal:
It meant there was more and more tech left to steal!
A-M Bomb! Phasor and Pulse Phasor! Nice!
Class Seven Shields and a Cloaking Device!
Terra Plus Fifty (more AI self-teching)
Zyro Shield! Plasma rifle for planet wrecking!
Somewhere in there, the Grinch researched Scat Fives
(An accident really, too late to save lives)
But all of the rest were the things that he stole!
He stole them and stole them and stole! Stole! Stole! STOLE!
He stole Pulson Missiles! He stole Fusion Rifles!
He stole Ion Streamers while calling them trifles!
And Class 6 Deflectors! Omega-V Bombs!
A Particle Beam and an old book of psalms!
(Though that book wouldn't be of much use in a war,
The Grinch might say Particle Beam's equally poor!)
But then something strange happened! Strange, but quite real!
The AIs had run out of techs he could steal!



In the next couple years, Exoskeleton'd fall;
He'd steal that from the lizards, but then that was all!
His scientists picked up Class 6 IRC,
(One tech that no AI race ever would see!)
And started on Battle Computer Mark Ten
But Twenty-Five Hundred was coming, and THEN...
THE JUBILEE HOLIDAY! Glad girls and boys!
Jolly old aliens giving out toys!
Everyone singing, making happy noise!
Oh, that Noise! Oh, that terrible Noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!



But a funny thing happened on that fateful year.
Somehow, all the celebrants didn't appear!
They had all kinds of techs - yes, stolen by the Grinch,
But although he could get what he managed to pinch,
The AIs lost nothing except for their creed
That their side ought to have a comparative lead.
They even had one tech the old Grinch did not:
Some A-M Torpedoes they'd only just got
That (five times unlucky) he couldn't quite snag
For a topper to his overflowing tech bag!
They had toys, food and goodies ... and yet all the same
The year came and went, and no holiday came!
They held no high council! No gifts did they bring!
They didn't play games - they didn't even sing!
They didn't talk of peace and love anymore!
They made noise - oh, the noise! But noise only of WAR!
The Grinch wasn't like them, and that made them sore!
They could think of nothing but war! War! War! WAR!

Imperium 25 - The Very First Time

The Grinch went to plunder a tech from the Brains,
And snagged Controlled Tundra - sweet illicit gains!
His 'Loks founded Trax in spite of toxic weather -
And then all the emperors gathered together!
They wanted a Council: A system of rule!
Each one wanted to be High Master, like a fool -
The Grinch knew full well no Republic could rise
While he lived - but he happily spread some more lies!
He voted for Granid, while knowing full well
That no one would win. "And besides, the Bears smell."
The Grinch didn't care much how old Bullux was feeling.
(They still were at war!) So he just resumed stealing!
He picked up Imp Eco from poor, addled Brains
And Class 3 Deflectors in Human space lanes.
He snagged Toxic Cygni, a rich world nearby,
And several more stars in the Hideout's night sky
Until the gold newsdroid surprised everyone:
The Darloks were first to their seventeenth sun!



And then they added more stars - an endless profusion -
Until the result seemed a foregone conclusion!
More races grew angry - some even declared -
But the Grinch in his hideout just no longer cared.
"I'll make peace if they ask it," he told himself, grumbling
"But I'll pay no attention to all of their bumbling."

So he built up some bases and even some fleets
And ignored the AIs and their moaning, "He cheats!
Just look at the spying that Grinchy guy does!"
He ignored it indeed, and you know why? Because...

The Grinch LOVED his spying! He loved it a LOT!
And he just didn't care if the AIs did NOT!



He stole NPGs and some Duralloy Armor!
He stole IT30 to make his worlds warmer!
An I-Stabilizer, and then BC-3!
(The techs picked Imp-Scanner, the further to see)

And you know what he did then, that Grinchy old Grinch?
He stole Class Four Shields! Every ounce! Every inch!
He lifted a Fusion Bomb off of the Bears
With Silicoid Gorra in need of repairs
(The rocks had declared - unwise choice, it appears -
He bombed their rich worlds, and set them back years!)



The Grinch hadn't run out of mean, nasty tricks -
And the droid said his star count had reached twenty-six!
"An election was coming, the Grinch was aware;
But for all of the hoopla, he still didn't care!
"I'd rather just head off to old Sssla and nab
The Hyper-X Rockets from some research lab!"
So he did! The election was kind of a pinch,
Since NOBODY voted for old Mister Grinch,
But with several abstentions he still held his place ...
And stole Mark 2 Jammers from some Sili base.
That same year, rich Gorra was built up by 'loks
On the bombed-out rubble that once had been Rocks!



And what happened next? The Grinch stole Dotomite!
He blew up 'Coid transports - one more Gorra fight!
He took II7 - a quick run and grab -
And Mass Driver from a brand-new weapons lab!
He rounded them off with a Plan'tary Shield!
(Repulsor beam was to be next in that field.)
Battle Suits from the Bears! Battle Comp 4!
Fusion Drives too, watching Human guards snore!
And then what should happen? Why research came in!
Not spying but RESEARCH! That started a din!
One Improved Space Scanner, to spot AI fleets...
Would also help out with more spy hit repeats!
There was just one problem: Now, it might sound crazy,
But Old Mister Grinch had become a bit lazy!
Elections were coming, and he did take note
That he might not quite have a third of the vote,
But even as more AIs roared, screamed, and shouted
At old Mister Grinch, he did nothing about it!
"I'll let the chips fall," said the Grinch with a grin.
"And fall where they may, I expect that I'll win!"

But did the Grinch win? NO! He didn't at all!
The prouder they are, why the harder they fall!
For EVERYONE voted for Bullux that year!
In Twenty-Four Fifty, the message was clear:
"In the ship of our fate, we won't let the GRINCH steer!
No! No! No! We all just want the grinch OUT of here!"

So, what did the Grinch say? What said he to that?
Well, what COULD the Grinch say? He just tipped his hat...



...and said, "You have chosen, and your choice was poor."
He would not give in! So they launched FINAL WAR!!!

Imperium 25 - Next to Fall

The Grinch was careening all through Human space
At a terrible, frightening tech-stealing pace!



He stole some Nuke Engines the very same year
That his scientists made Enhanced Eco appear
("Yet another I can't steal," he said with a sneer)
And started to try to make Toxic tech clear.

The Grinch, on the prowl, was not to be outdone!
He said, "Actually teching techs isn't this fun!"
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
The galaxy 'round, stealing every tech present!
Terra plus twenty, declining to frame!
Rockets that kill missiles, at least in name!
Irridium Fuel Cells, allowing range six!
(Tech teams turned to sublights, the simplest of picks.)
Along the line somewhere, the Sakkra made peace;
The Grinch barely noticed, proceeding to fleece
The AIs completely, regardless of race,
With a gleam in his eye and a sneer on his face.

A Mark 2 Computer was next on his list,
Declining to frame so it wouldn't be missed,
With four brand-new planets, including one Dead,
And "Sneak" gunscouts (one saw the Guardian and fled).

Then a scientist learned how to build Toxic bases
And seeing the looks on his peers' learned faces,
Declared he would look for a Tox Antidote
Lest when death spores should fall, the Darloks might be smote.



But the Grinch still said, "That's all I wanted to see!
That's the last tech we'll tech in planetology!
From now on, Computers alone get my backing -
And only because they help me with my hacking!"

And the very next year, how the Sakkra would moan:
The old Grinch had lifted some Spores of his own!
And still more important, he shouted with glee,
"Happy holidays, Darloks!" Here's IRC 3!"
The bears were his victims, for moments before
He'd grabbed those controls from an Ursa-based store.

So pleased was the Grinch that when a virus struck
His most advanced tech field (Computers - bad luck)
He carried it off with a glint and a grin:
"We'll just steal from others when their techs come in!"
And you know, that old Grinch was so smart and so slick,
He thought up some lies, and he thought 'em up quick!
"We would like to be friends," the old faker plain lied.
And he caught Johann NAPping, with a deal on the side
For trade with the Sakkra in spite of their madness
To keep them from guessing his theft-happy badness.

And what did the Grinch do the very next year?
Why he built Proxima - a UR world, I fear -
And so met the Psilons, the very last race
To hurl noisy greetings in the Grinch's face.



If anyone doubts the AIs were insane,
They ought to examine Meson's giant brain!
There's plenty of room there for knowledge and such
But as for stability? Well, there's not much!
The Sakkra had shown just what colors they wore
Some four decades back when they first declared war,
And as for old Bullux, the Ursine mouth-breather,
He wasn't exactly reliable either!



With a chain of alliance cheese spread like a paste,
The Grinch feared his fibbing would all go to waste;
The Silicoid xenophobes wouldn't agree
To break with the Bears, for love, money, or free
So the Grinch tugged his hat on and went off to Earth,
Where Johann agreed (causing much Darlok mirth)
To break with the Silis - he said that it pained him,
But Darlok trade goods and their new NAP sustained him.

Meanwhile, Grinchy Sneak scouts could finally see
The whole (just about) of the wide galaxy!



The Grinch chortled, "My maps are clearly the best!
Now, it's time to send Sneaks out to chart all the rest!"
But what of old Bullux, the mighty and proud
(And slightly insane) leader of the Bear crowd?
His empire, the largest in all of known space,
Had set out for war against the Darlok race!
And right at the start of the Bulrathi war,
Came something the Grinch had never seen before!

Imperium 25 - Stealing Spree

The Grinch grabbed some bags and some empty old sacks
And hitched an old sleigh to his faithful dog, Max.
"Giddyap!" said the Grinch, and they hurried away
To steal some tech plans on their ramshackle sleigh.



He stole a cheap jammer from Omicron's Rocks
Even as rich new Tauri was claimed for his 'Loks,
Close enough to the Sakkra that contact was made
With their "empire" - one planet in all, I'm afraid.



After three years at Omicron - just time to snag
Some class 2 deflectors for his goody bag -
The Grinch went to Sssla in fine time to pack
The plans for hand lasers into an old sack.
(His scientists turned to a new scatter pack
And personal shields, just in case of attack.)

He sped down to Kulthos to pick up Range Four
(The Sili techs neglected to lock their door)
While 'Lok scanner scientists pushed on ahead
(Like old IIT and later Controlled Dead)
And finished their project, which saddened the Grinch.
"Oh, curses," he said each time. "Less tech to pinch!"
Yet still they continued: First, more IIT;
Later, Enhanced Eco; between, BC3.

Then Tyranid called up, a mere thirteen years
After meeting the Darloks, fulfilling their fears.
He just didn't like diplo games any more;
The 'zard crackpot only liked WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR!



The next year, the Silis had spread to six stars -
And who should appear the year after but b'ars?
Erratic Ecologist lunatic b'ars!
Like three-year-old-Crockett's kill: Bullux-led b'ars!



There was nothing to do (at least with a straight face)
But continue the sleigh-ridin', tech-stealin' race,
While Tauri's defense (now a Hyper-V burst
Since 'Lok ships had somehow reached Herculis first -
So the Grinch couldn't steal that tech; oh, how he cursed!)
Destroyed an attack ship - Sakkra at their worst.

The Grinch went to Simius, lifted some Gats
From the Silicoid lab there; then, stealthy as cats,
Old Max and the Grinch slunk through an asteroid field
To Kulthos and stole a 'coid Personal Shield!
(The scientists switched to Class V Planetary
In case war with one of the crazies got hairy.)

Three fourths of a century into his plan,
The Grinch came across something wretched: Johann!
The third of his name who had ruled from old Sol,
He sent a vast starfleet just to take control
Of little Iranha, an Artifacts star,
Whose single 'Lok scout-sentry turned and fled far...
Yet the very next year - yes, the very next year!
The Grinch had reached Human space - or so I hear -



He meant what he said, and he said what he meant:
He pilfered their Reduced Waste 80%!
And the Grinch wasn't done - he was not done at all!
Oh, what tech was to be the next one to fall?

Imperium 25 - Revenge of the Grinch

The AIs loved holiday giving a lot...
But the grumpy old Grinch in his hideout did NOT!!!

The Grinch hated all of the holiday season -
And maybe, just maybe, there might be a reason:
It wasn't his shoes or his heart or his brain -
It's more that the AIs were mostly insane!
Whatever was given them, wealthy or poor,
They gave nothing themselves except noise, hate, and war!

The Grinch hated all of them both near and far -
And blamed them when his colship went to the wrong star.



But, wherever the blame lay, with Kailis nearby,
Both UR and barren, the Grinch wasn't shy
About Planet tech; with a sour, Grinchy frown,
He said, "Open up the field and mark this down:
If we have controlled barren, then just wait and see:
We'll be glad we got started in two-three-oh-three!"

Four years later, as research in Barren proceeded,
And a colony formed (many more would be needed)
Far off in the galaxy, tragedy struck:
An Artifacts world (of all the bad luck!)
Yielded Ion Cannons - a gift for the boys,
And one the AI's would love - such shiny toys!
They'd pester him then - Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise!
That's one thing he hated! The NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!



Eight years passed, and Barren hit (at one percent!)
With Terra Ten next, the Grinch knew what that meant:
The prebuild he'd started was ready to change
To a colship for Kailis, already in range!



In just six more years, with an empire-wide tax
For reserves to exploit its richness to the max,
U-R Kailis was founded and sent forty-three
Of the Hideout's millions immediately.

Propulsion'd been opened just three years before -
Deuterium Fuel Cells were the first in store -
But Terra'd come first, in two-three-two-nine,
And the Grinch grudgingly said Dead next would be fine.
Soon after, he opened two fields of his tree,
Selecting a scanner and cheap IIT.

When the fuel cells came in, range 6 research would start
And Hand Lasers (beware, those who doubted his heart!)
All this research was well and good, the Grinch thought
But there remained several more things that were NOT!



The AIs were still out there, all trying to pinch
Every star in the wide galaxy from the Grinch.
"I don't know how long I've put up with it now,"
Said the Grinch. "I MUST stop them from coming! ... But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!
THE GRINCH GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch pulled on a cloak.
He chortled aloud at his own private joke.
And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Grinchy trick!
I'll show them tech-giving till it makes them sick!
Do they like being given a tech lead for free?
Well, it's high time for them to give their techs to me!"



"They're not going to like it, no, make no mistake -
But they won't have a choice; what I want, I can take!"
The Grinch pulled his cowl down and chortled with glee -
And then he set off on a tech-stealing spree!